Change Resources Into Opportunities... For Others!

Looking at the last blog entry... it's shocking to find that it has already been 6 months! Looking back... this year has really flown by.

But the past 6 months has by no means been boring. After my frustration with the "CEO" of that group I mentioned in my last entry, things had erupted to almost the brink of all-out-war. Luckily it was averted.

It's funny... looking back on the past 6 months, it almost seems like part of me had been on a journey of discovery, one that is less physical. Throughout that previously mentioned "tension period", I had actually found myself fighting within myself. Part of me wants to get things over with by going through "destroying" the other side, but another part of me had been seeking a more "Catholic" solution to the situation. At this moment, looking back, I think the Catholic side of me won, and I'm glad. It would be a shame to have years of friendship thrown out the window.

Over the past few months, I have also felt I've been receiving a calling... a call to change some of my way of seeing things. There feels like a call to care more about the people around me, especially the ones who are unfortunate. During the summer, I went to an interactive exhibit on AIDS with a friend. We each went through a story of a child in different parts of Africa, with different life threatening dangers. At the exhibit, I was actually able to play around with a real AK-47 machine gun, which the kids in Africa are forced to use at a very young age. That thing wasn't light! Imagine kids being forced to march on to fight after being brainwashed?!

After going to that exhibit, it had actually gotten me thinking about people outside of my circle of friends. My friends all know that I had always been ready to help them out. But the exhibt got me thinking... maybe I should expand what "resources" I have to help more people. The recent few months have also brought me to see how easy it can be to help the people around you. It doesn't have to be overseas in Africa, people within our own communities could use the help too.

I guess part of me had already seen it, which is why I had already came up with a "plan" for a non-profit company to hopefully benefit the local poor. But such a project requires a lot of money and planning. To those I have told of this plan, they have said it's pretty good, but very ambitious. But the underlying idea behind that plan is that everyone can do great when given the opportunity to try. I'm very happy to say I've done that in a very small scale this Summer, by encouraging someone to join our Sunday School. Through this, I hope God can touch her and maybe return her to His bunch. And also hopefully it would give this new helper meaning, direction, and confidence. It was actually quite disappointing to see others in the admin group using "concern for the kids" as an excuse to not give someone who most need an opportunity. Keep in mind... why would someone rich need help in finding opportunities to do better?

In business, I'm FINALLY truly ready to go out and sell! I certainly hope it will all work out. But knowing that God had led me to where I am now, I believe that He'll be with me through it all and it will turn out ok. :D

Experience... Inexperience...

Although it has only been about 0.5 month since my last entry, but I feel that there's something really worth typing here today. So here it is...

If you've been reading my previous entries, you may know that I was pretty happy with the new organization that I had joined. It was an organization that aimed at training leaders for the future... or at least so they claim... Now I don't doubt that is what they may try to do... but they're certainly not doing a very good job of it. They call themselves Future Leaders. And being in their organizing committe for a gala even for the past month, I had seen nothing that would come out of training young professionals to be leaders, instead, all I saw was what I'd call a show. During my time there, I have seen ideas either ignored or in my case, designs argued over, just because the President didn't like it. It was felt that there was no need for any reasons, just that he likes something else better. Now this is prefectly fine, if they had said this in the beginning, or at least not tell people "we'll welcome and consider all ideas and suggestions."... or in my case "let's show your design to everyone at the next meeting and see what they have to say.". In my case, they all liked mine over the template that the President had in mind. But the guy took one look at mine and says - "I don't like it." With culture like this, how are they going to convince me that they are helping young professionals to be leaders?! When other members suggested other potential speakers for the event, the Pres said - "I think it'll be best if we get Person A and Person B." In order to help change this for both ourselves and everyone else... a few of us wrote to the board to see if this is really what they wanted. In the beginning, the signal we got was one of concern. But afterwards, it turns out the board is behind the Pres.' way of managing things. In the process, we (the people who initiated to change things) got booted out of the organization. During those few days though, it went from threats of libel (to me..) and constant phone calls and long conversations from the Pres. (Those conversations were really a waste of time in my opinion.... listening to someone sell how "right" they are... and how "wrong" you are.) In brief, yes, it is all politics. But this was a campaign in an effort to "save" the organization, and not ruin it. We weren't out to kick the Pres. out. At least I wouldn't support it if it came to that. But from the Pres.' efforts to talk to people 1-on-1 on the phone and not letting the concerns discussed in the public, just shows that they have a hidden agenda. And today, when I found out that the board is behind it, it has gone from a discredit to the Pres. to the organization as a whole. Again, if they made it clear that they're here to get free labourers, then say so. Disguising itself as an organization that welcomes ideas is just going to fail eventually. So warn your friends about this Future Leaders organization. I'm sure sooner or later, they'll hear about it.

Now in dealing with this... I had found places where my lack of experience had put me at a disadvantage. It's interesting, cause in a way it hurts... but I'm also very happy to see them now, cause I can then learn not to make the same mistakes again. But over the past few days, as I look upon this, I sometimes find that petty arguments between church groups or even friends, are really nothing. The world is big, and there are a lot more idiots you can fight with, with causes a lot more worth your time and effort to fight on. But what makes this experience even more rewarding, is the fact that the lessons learned will help me become a better entrepreneure... (hopefully!)

Here are some of the things I've learned or were reminded of:

1. If you are to learn and to grow up... you really must stick your head out and risk getting it chopped. Reading about it, thinking about, just won't do the job, experiencing it is what counts. Now this applies to all aspects to life, from faith to business to life.

2. You can never change someone. You can only inspire that person to change. Whether or not the change happens, it's up to that person. If you have some responsibility towards that person, all you can do is remind that person often.

3. To be a good leader, especially today, you must be willing to listen and to inspire the people you work with. This I knew before I walked in to this group. But having been through this, I see how one can easily miss it.

4. In regards to risk-taking, you must also be willing to accept failure. Failure comes in many forms... for me, in this, my failure may have been how things was handled. But without this failure, I may never have learned. Looking back, I must be able to accept the fact that wrong decisions were made, but this is not the end of it all. Looking forward, there are still infinate possibilities for success and many more mistakes that I may make. But hey, that just proves I'm human! =P

5. There are many fakes out there, especially in busines. Knowing how to handle them takes experience, no textbook can teach us that... unfortunately! The only thing I know of that can help you deal with these people is confidence in yourself and learn more about this world.


Of these lesseons, I think that a fear of failure is one of my biggest hurdle so far... and I must say, I still haven't gotten a handle on it yet... not that I've been successful thoughout my life. But in reading a book, I was told that behavioural scientists says that we are born with only two fears - fear of falling and fear of loud noises - the other fears are learned. The book teaches an idea of facing your greatest fear first, then the rest will seem small. So how should I face my fear of failure?? Do all the impossible tasks that I can think off? =P

Well looking back at the result, I'm actually pretty happy that it's over. With everyone being able to tell others of their works when the job is done, I wouldn't have been able to. The reason for this is that as the owner of a web design company, it would do me bad more than good to tell someone that the website I made was based on a template! And in the process, forced to do a design that I didn't like, with no real compensation for my time and effort... I would have left anyways. But the trouble was finding a way to leave without others thinking I dropped the ball. Now, it's not my choice, but their choice. I hope that people will start asking questions and see through the stupid disguise the Pres. has made. As for me, I'm already looking ahead to perhaps other business organizations, bigger and perhaps more professional. But this time, I won't help them with anything, I'm just going to be greedy and just be there to benefit me. Their compensation..? My membership fee! =P (which isn't cheap!)

Interesting Note: Pleonexia is a clinical term for morbid greediness.

The First Fashion Show

So it's been... hm... almost a month... if not already a month... since I've joined the non-profit organization I mentioned in the last blog. So far, it's been GREAT! I've handed out more business cards in a month, then in the past 25 years! And met a lot of interesting people, people from different backgrounds and different fields of work.

Today, was one of the coolest thing... and friends that know me, would know this would interest me a lot (hee hee!)... I went to a fashion show!! It was the Autumn/Winter 06 Fashion Show. The designer is Andrew Majtenyi, an award winning designer.

So how was the experience?

The thing I saw most... are HEADS! That ranges from the heads of the audience that are standing in front of me, to the heads of the models. But the clothes... I was only able to catch a glimpse of a few of them. But, I did had a chance to meet a lot of people and talk to a lot of people during the before and after party.

So the moral of all this?
Go to these parties to network, not for the fashion. But if you do get both, you're in luck! =D All in all, it has been a great experience... can't wait for the next one!

Finding Where I Fit...

Another month, another entry... well, it's been way over a month since my last entry. Life's been... well busy... but yet routine for some reason. Those two thoughts almost seem contradictory to each other!

As i may have mentioned in my previous entry (if not, I'm telling you now..) I've decided to spend more time and efforts to concentrate on growing my business... or in my case, actually making it move! How have things been going on that end? Hm... not too good. Progress have been made, but much slower than I would have liked. But I guess I should be happy that at least it's progress, right?

Unfortunately, progress would not be the word I'd use to describe my efforts to make the Sunday School more organized. Over the past few months, I've found that I've been more of a "worker" than a "planner"... which I was supposed to be both. The reason for this... well I guess it's still yet to be confirmed, but for now, I'd say difference in ways of thinking and operating. I always find the ambiguity in the way they operate to be the source of their disfunction. Therefore, i had wanted to create a set of concepts or guidelines for the group with responsibilities taht pertains that group. But turns out, it's not preferred by them, because the keep thinking it'll be too restricting. Sometimes I wonder if it's me that's been thinking in black and white, or them? Is it them that has been inflexible, or me? Then there's "our leader", who happens to be my best friend too, I find her to be not only too idealistic... but also too power hungry (for lack of a better term...). Like, she bans my ideas with the answer - "I don't think so... I feel that we should do this..." and as a result, we do. But what's more annoying is, she doesn't end up doing much... if any... to carry out the plan... it's usually me! (plus a few others). This I find to be very upsetting and annoying. But it seems to be ok for the others... since they don't have much opinions anyways. But I think that she really should learn to admit that she IS in a "management" position, whether she likes it or not... and that she should therefore be willing to operate as one. The exceptions in the disciplines area is permissible, since this is a church group. But being "fake" democratic is everything but church!

Having been totally annoyed by them this past few months, I've decided to set my eyes and skills in what seems to be the better place to put them... in the business field. By some weird luck, I opened an email from an entrepreneurial organization that I signed up for like 2 years ago. Usually I just trash them, but for some reason, I opened it that day. To my joy, I found that they are inviting volunteers to help them organize a business conference for young leaders and entrepreneurs to attend. The speakers will be CEOs from top companies. The sound of it facinated me. And also a chance for me to expand my horizons and see more. So I decided to go to their first meeting. It was so cool... kind of intimidating too. It was hosted at "The Nationals Club". It was one of those high class commerce buildings that has pictures of CEO type figures hung on walls and stuff... anyways, when I got into the room, there many people dressed in business clothes (not casual!) and were waiting for the event to start. When they went around to introduce themselves, the words "CEO" appeared I think twice... and "MBA" appeared lots. And their description of what they do sounded more like a promotion for their companies. Suffice it to say, I was the least experienced and MAYBE educated person there. But hey, I wanted to learn, got to start somewhere. The event is called (tentitively) FutureBiz 2006. It is too be held at the Design Exchange, which is the old building where the Toronto Stock Exchange was. They are expecting that there'd be 100s of people attending, and it is to last from 12 pm to 9 pm. Unfortunately, there IS an entrance fee, so can't really invite all my friends to come during the lunch hour. So this is real business stuff! And you can say, right in the action! During the meeting, I found that... I wasn't so dumb afterall! Why? Cause some of the marketing related questions I thought of, but was afraid to ask, was brought up by many people minutes after I thought of it! =D I guess I was still intimidated by them all. After the meeting, the hosts invited us to join them at a nearby restaurant for drinks and chat. I wanted to see more and learn more, so I went. Turns out it was a great idea! Not only did I meet many of them and really get to know them as friends, but I also feel more relaxed and even confident when talking to them.

Can't wait to dive further into this new found project! =)
I already said it before I went... even if no business sales comes out of this, I'm sure I'll learn skills and knowledge that would be invaluable to me. And hey, an extra thing to write in my resume! =D

An Unforgettable December 2005

So... it has been a month (again) since my last blog entry. For those that are concerned with accuracies... ok.. I'm 5 days "late". =P

Anyways... I think the past month has been by far the most interesting month I have had in years! Not to mention, it was the happiest too. It had been pretty much filled with everything positive... I guess God had really given me a great birthday present... one that lasted a month.

I was very happy to see my best friend during his vacation back in Toronto. Feel so honoured to have him come out to celebrate my birthday with me. And he had provided me and my friends a lot of good laughs... although the jokes were on me! =P Funny thing is, he hasn't changed a lot. Could almost say he's 十年如一日! But talking to him, I've found that he's starting "grow up". It's he is starting to see and experience a lot of what the world "is", in terms of dealing with people. But despite all that he experiences, God has kept his life very simple and very leisurely. This is a luxury that not many of us can have. For this, I'm happy for him.

Last month, has proved to be one of the most "prosperous" month for my company, and perhaps the busiest, just the way I like it. =) I like it not only because of the revenue involved, but also because of the hope it provides. It also gives me a sense of purpose again. I no longer felt like an outsider to friends, as being the least busy person. Amazingly, I even got a call from my client when I was up in Montreal having my vacation!

Some of us, my friends and I, have thought the dream I had long awaited would come. The day when I find myself a girlfriend. Well... unfortunately, it's January now, and last I checked, I'm still single. Is this bad? Nope. Unlike in previous years, where I often joked about wanting a girlfriend as a birthday present, this year, I totally ignored the idea. My focus was more on my company, hoping that it will be more sucessful and continue to grow. But during December, I find it very interesting, because I had suddenly grown very close with a friend that I pretty much just met few months ago at church. It all started with a suposively 2 minute phone call ending up to be a 2 hour phone call. This was the first time we really talked too. As days and weeks had gone by, we talked quite a lot on the phone. Until on New Years Eve, we went out. It was a "date" I guess I can never forget. It was creative (cause planned by me of course! =P), but it was also pretty "sweet" as many of my friends had described it. In brief though, it consisted of exchange of gifts (Chocolates for a Stuffed Snowman from me), a lunch at a Loblaws by the lake, a snowy outdoor skating lesson, a stroll in a 18th century European streets (Distillery District), a coffee break before each leaving for dinner with other friends. *sigh* It was great... but then as January came by, all things seemed to have suddenly changed. She had suddenly became very busy and thus unavailable. It almost feels as if she's avoiding me. Well until I can really find out more, planning for the worst is all I can do. It's ironic though... after fighting with myself for a month about whether or not ot pursue this... when I do, it blocks me away. Life can be so illogical and ironic sometimes.

This December was also my first time going on a vacation with friends. We went to Mont Tremblant and Montreal for 5 days. It was not one of the best trips in my life. But will I do it again? Yes I would. The trip was filled with frustrations on my part. I could not understand why they don't find that leaving 4 girls that don't know how to ski on a mountain top was "ok". I was "forced" to follow the 4 of them slowly down the hill until they reached a point where they couldn't bear to continue skiing down and wanted to wait for rescue. By that time, it had already started getting dark and cold too. While the others were happily saying how many times they had gone up the mountain, I felt they never once thought of how those 4 may have felt being stranded up on the mountain in cold weater and darkening skies. Not to mention hearing and seeing people cry for help as they had tried to ski down. I find those people to be pretty self-fish. I know as skiiers or as anyone who is on vacation, they'd want to have more fun. But I think taking responsibility for your action is also very important. They "dragged" the 4 skiiers up to the mountain top and then expected them to be able to come down by themselves. What kind of friends are they?! Well I concluded that they are a bunch that don't think of consequences. Had there been an accident or even complaints from any of the 4 skiiers, the others would only say they're sorry. Well what's the use of that by then?! To my surprise (and frustration), no one came to say thanks. Not that I was doing it for that purpose, but I guess sometimes people really do notice it when it's missing. Our "leader"'s short sightedness is seen when we went shopping on Boxing Day. They hurried out of the hotel and walked one block down the street before realizing she doesn't know the direction to the place she wants to go. I don't expect to go on a trip that is fully planned to the second. However, I would expect that if there's a place you want to go, you should at least know how to get there before you leave! The same thing happened that night when we went to eat dinner. No one bothered to bring the address with them. And no one bothered going out in the cold to search for the restaurant except me. So I asked someone on the street while 10 of them huddled at a doorway and 1 tried to go back to the car to find the address. Personally, my joy came on the last day when I get to go shopping ALONE! (LOL!) No one to slow me down... no one to care about... it actually felt pretty good. So with all these frustrations, why would I still do it? Cause there are also fun and happy times too within this trip... moments that just can't be find until we're away from home together on a trip. So the best I could hope for next time is... either they plan better, or change the leader! =P

Finally... one last interesting thing to note. This is another example of the irony in life. It had been months since I had seen the girl I liked a lot way back then. (Can refer to the February blog entry - I SAW HER!!!) Well, since that day, I really never got to saw her. I went by the store she worked in a couple of times during the year, but never saw her. I had believed her to have quitted her job. Well, life's irony showed up in December. And it had to choose my birthday to do it too! The way it happened was totally the same as back in February. I had inadvertently went through the underground beside her work with my other sis this time, and came out the doors near the glasses store. And walked by and saw her. HOWEVER, this time, other than a little shock (or more like surprise), I didn't felt much anymore. There was still a little feeling of longing... of wanting to go see her. But after what had happened, it's kind of hard to know what to say. So have I finally let go...? - I think so.

Dream, Goals, and Distractions

So.. it's been another month since my last entry. Life's been pretty quiet since then. It's been mostly pre-occupied with thoughts on relationship issues and volunteer job stuff... well there is the occasional concerns about stuff happening at work. =P

Well these are the things I want to touch on for this blog.
I was just reading about how Richard Branson is planning to build a space vehicle launch center in New Mexico, and start a whole new space tourism industry by 2008. I never have been a fan of Richard Branson, but I do admire the foresightedness he has in business. In a way, I want to be like him too in a way... being inventive, and explorative. Most importantly being able to take risks in business that would push into new frontiers.

But all this got me thinking...

As I turned the attention to myself, I find that maybe I'm missing the point in life right now... at least in my life, right now. What I most want, is not a relationship with someone. It's more like an icing on a cake. What I truly want and hope for now at this moment, is to be able to elevate my lifestyle to one that I had always hoped it could be. THIS I believe is what's "reaching for your dream" is for me. But again, dreams change from time to time. But with me, this has been a pretty consistant dream. And.... in case you're wondering... no my dream is not to live in a big mansion some where in the middle of nowhere. =P

Realizing this though, having identified this as my "goal in life", things like relationship concerns seem more like a distraction than something to sought for or look forward to. As I examine this further, I have come to believe that maybe many people are unhappy even though they've worked very hard and have money and family or relationships, because they have identified the wrong thing as their goal. (Long-term or Short-term.. both still applies.) I believe that the type of goal that a person strives for is most likely be in-line and related to his/her character. This may sound as being very obvious, but I wouldn't be surprised if many people find out that what they've been "thinking" as their dream wish or goal, is actually something that isn't as important, because something else is more "valuable" to him/her.

So once again, using myself as an example, having a pretty wife but living in a crappy old house may not satisfy me. Am I asking for too much? Not really... because living a better lifestyle has been my goal, not having a pretty wife. (Now that's not to say that I prefer bad looking women! =P)

With these thoughts, you'd most likely agree that it can explain why finding yourself the "right career" is more important than finding yourself the "good job". You can be doing the highest paying job in the world but still hate it. But you can also do a low or mediocure paying job, but has high hopes for eventually being able to advance to the job you've dreamed of. Everything along the way would just be prepping you for that day when you finally get the job.

Learning from Others

Since the last blog entry, I believe that without a doubt, by far the biggest news in my life is the death of my little sis' Mom. Today was the funeral, the final goodbye, at least here on Earth. Looking back at the past couple of months, since hearing about Auntie's condition, I have been honoured by my little sis' updates on the conditions and situation within her family. I am honoured because by doing so, she has allowed me to walk these months with her, together, allowing me to be there for her when needed. And I'm happy to hear from her that I was helpful. =)

With the visitation last night, and the funeral mass today, hearing the eulogies about Auntie has opened my mind to a few things. But I believe the most important and I'd say admirable "trait" of Auntie was her being able to live humbly, just as Jesus had wanted us to. In the bible, Jesus had taught us not to be hypocretes. In that lesson, he was telling us to not make a show for others to see when we do charitable acts. Now of course, this lesson is not limited to things like donating money, but also in helping others. Hearing the eulogies today plus what I have seen and know about Auntie, I know that she was living life the way Jesus taught us to. This is because as a couple of people today had said, Auntie was a quiet and "reserved" person. However, when someone around her was in need, she would be at their side helping them and providing support for them. I believe that many people today need to learn to do this. And society should not "encourage" people to do the opposite. People should not do charitable acts because their name will be on a plaque somewhere, or because they'll get a big tax refund. They should do it because they want to help people, and not care if the other party would publicly thank him/her. But this may sometimes be hard, even if not on the big scales as mentioned above. Cause sometimes, even in small group discussions, people may have the urge to "show-off" their knowledge by openly give advice and opinions. They may not be hoping to have their name made known to the public, but they may want to show the people in the group or in that room that they are the "specialist" in that field. From what I heard today, Auntie was different. She would come over and give helpful advice in one-on-one conditions. For someone who always seek to be recognized (me), this is very much something worth learning.

Another thing that I remember most about the past 2 days is the reminder that we should not strive for things that we can not take away with us in death. Instead, we should strive to earn more "credits" with what really counts in God's eyes. This is especially hard in today's world. With all the nice toys that are constantly being invented, it's not easy to tell one-self to leave it and strive for God's treasures. For some, like me, we may think we're already doing what's right. We are willing to help people, and do our best to live the teachings of Jesus, so, materialistic luxuries are sort of gifts for us.... so what else should I do? I was asking this quesiton when I heard it. What do I need to do to improve? Well for now, i have no answer, except, save it for later, I'm sure it will come.

In closing, I'd just like to say, I firmly believe that Auntie's death was not just something that had happened. But I believe that many things can be learned from this. The above two are just a few of the many examples and lessons people can learn from hearing the masses the past 2 days and hearing about Auntie's life. For my Little sis and her family, I believe that Auntie's departure from this world marks a new "era" for your family. One where you should work together to help build a more harmonious relationship with each other... learning from the examples Auntie had shown to you all in the past. I firmly believe you can do it, be patient and pray.