The Never Ending Loss...
Although today was a weekend, I was still able to find the time to remember what key thing happened exactly 6 months ago (July 30th, 2004). It was the day that had what people would say - both a beginning and an end.
That day marked the last day I've seen her... the last day she considered me a friend... the last day I saw her... the last day I heard her voice.... On the other end of the spectrum, it marked the beginning of days and months of regret, misery, unforgetable memories, and of course... loss. Given the situation of things at the time, I think I may do the same things I did that day. However, then again, for sure changes had to be made in order the same result to have occurred. But such wishful thinking can only be brought to life in the world of science-fiction stories. In reality, looking back at the past and hoping to change it remains as nothing but merely a thought... a dream... a wish.
Having said that, it is agreed by all that we must look towards the future. However, what lies in the future for me? Without her, I would have no hope in life, nothing "solid" or "physical" to be hopeful for. Therefore, what I can only do is to never forget her. Even if I do have other things I can hope to get or hope to achieve, nothing on that list could compare. This leads me to my next wishful thinking... to one day be able to at very least start over with her. But hopefully by then, the people being the same, the things surrounding these main characters would hopefully have improved greatly. Therefore, I must use this time - now until the day I see her again - to better myself, to improve, to prevail.
Some say I should forget about her and move on. Interestingly, the thought about whether or not I want to do it aside, I still can't. The reason being is, there are just too many things around me over the past 6 months that continually remind me of some aspects about her, both directly and indirectly. Personally, I wonder if this is some sign by God to tell me to be patient and wait. But believing in theories as "intangible" as thsi is very difficult. Yes, it is possible to be hopeful in thinking this. But unfortunately, such thoughts may only last for a very limited time. After a certain length of time, the hope becomes nothing more than again.... wishful thinking.
Unfortunately, it is also very possible that she would never truly know my thoughts... why I did the things I did... and most importantly, what I felt towards her and why. But having told you now, maybe one day, she will find out... some how... some way... The most important thing that I'd want her to know is that I haven't given up... I still remember everything... things 2 years ago... and things 10 years ago.
That day marked the last day I've seen her... the last day she considered me a friend... the last day I saw her... the last day I heard her voice.... On the other end of the spectrum, it marked the beginning of days and months of regret, misery, unforgetable memories, and of course... loss. Given the situation of things at the time, I think I may do the same things I did that day. However, then again, for sure changes had to be made in order the same result to have occurred. But such wishful thinking can only be brought to life in the world of science-fiction stories. In reality, looking back at the past and hoping to change it remains as nothing but merely a thought... a dream... a wish.
Having said that, it is agreed by all that we must look towards the future. However, what lies in the future for me? Without her, I would have no hope in life, nothing "solid" or "physical" to be hopeful for. Therefore, what I can only do is to never forget her. Even if I do have other things I can hope to get or hope to achieve, nothing on that list could compare. This leads me to my next wishful thinking... to one day be able to at very least start over with her. But hopefully by then, the people being the same, the things surrounding these main characters would hopefully have improved greatly. Therefore, I must use this time - now until the day I see her again - to better myself, to improve, to prevail.
Some say I should forget about her and move on. Interestingly, the thought about whether or not I want to do it aside, I still can't. The reason being is, there are just too many things around me over the past 6 months that continually remind me of some aspects about her, both directly and indirectly. Personally, I wonder if this is some sign by God to tell me to be patient and wait. But believing in theories as "intangible" as thsi is very difficult. Yes, it is possible to be hopeful in thinking this. But unfortunately, such thoughts may only last for a very limited time. After a certain length of time, the hope becomes nothing more than again.... wishful thinking.
Unfortunately, it is also very possible that she would never truly know my thoughts... why I did the things I did... and most importantly, what I felt towards her and why. But having told you now, maybe one day, she will find out... some how... some way... The most important thing that I'd want her to know is that I haven't given up... I still remember everything... things 2 years ago... and things 10 years ago.
posted by Admiral at
10:25 PM
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